Yesterday was delightfully easy. We went to the park and lay on the grass. I knitted (a present for a friend from Vintage Knits for Modern Babies) while Elijah ate grass and watched the leaves sparkle in the wind. This weather is so perfect for being outside! Each person who walked past seemed to coo at us. We must have looked like a bit of a spectacle. This mid twenties Muma, sitting cross legged, knitting, while her babe makes conversation with the leaves. It made me realise that to inspire others, you only need to do something you love that brings you to life. The vitality of you shining effects others, and they can't help but be touched by it.
How today was completely different. I was already tired from frequent night feeding. I made my breakfast and decided to steam some organic apple for Elijah to eat. I tossed the apple in some organic coconut oil and cinnamon for flavour and nutrition. It tasted and smelled perfect! I sat him in his high chair and placed some pieces of apple in front of him. Then it started. The downward spiral. He threw the apple on the floor. He just picked it up and intentionally flipped it over the side of his highchair tray. I was somehow oblivious to this being a sign of him not being hungry, or too tired to eat, or not feeling like apple. I picked it up off the floor (the 10 second rule always applies at our house), and handed it back to him. He had a tiny taste and moved his face away from it. Again I was oblivious to this being a sign that he simply didn't want to eat. Then the fatal step. I mashed some up and spooned it into his mouth. I thought that if he just got a taste and swallowed some he would see how great it is. The first mouthful seemed to go down ok, so I hurriedly shoved in another. Then it came. A torent of vomit. It just kept coming up. All I could think of was 'what a waste of beautiful breast milk'. It turns out that Elijah know's best. He didn't want to eat. I wasn't picking up on his body cues. This is hopefully not a mistake I need to make again. Our babies tell us they are ready for solids by being able to sit independently, reaching for our food and copying our mouth and body actions when we eat. Of course they can also tell us when they don't want food. We just have to be ready to listen!
As we both sat there, covered in vomit there wasn't a hint of our shining that was observed yesterday. Nothing a bath together and some more breast milk didn't fix. Some days are easy. Some days aren't. You live, you learn.